Remote Control: Continuing Education Runs Amok

There is a fast growing trend in personal and Pilates teacher training towards a completely virtual experience. Technology has certainly made it possible for us to see and hear all types of educational content, but what of those skills that are meant to be “felt”? In a field that is rooted in physicality, I am genuinely afraid that our next generation of instructors will be critically unprepared and potentially dangerous.

When I was programming our Continuing education this Winter, I had several goals in mind. We have the advantage of being an intimate studio with a small program so attention is always available. But I wanted to buck the trend and make sure that any one taking a course at my studio got actual practice time with a real student as a body, (as opposed to another teacher pretending to be a student). Having bodies to practice new techniques is a critical missing piece of continuing education in the industry.

Real life training prepares you for real life clients. On a recent early morning in midtown Manhattan I found myself teaching a class. My voice was pounding in my ears. I could hear each breath amplified even as I struggled to make sure my waving arms and tapping feet would not disrupt the wires and microphone directly in front of me. I could see the muscles of my student tensing, feel her fight for her coordination and balance and begin to get frustrated. Her shoulders were tensing and I quickly commanded, “Shoulders relaxed”. Then I opened my eyes. There was no one in the room but me. I was teaching to an imaginary client while recording a series of audio workouts. If I hadn’t handled thousands of bodies, I would never be able to “sense” what my students need.

I marvel at the fact that after 20 years of teaching I’m able to not just see, but genuinely “feel” the student in front of me – real or imagined. Laying hands on bodies day after day develops your tactile perception, sensory intuition and your instincts to an almost preternatural level. Most of my colleagues possess similar abilities having trained to teach in the days before video technology became a substitute for a living breathing mentor. Developing your ability to control the session, the client and your results are skills that only come with human interaction.

Don’t get me wrong. I love gadgets and I believe in spreading good information as far and wide as possible thru whatever means. But how can you train someone to handle another human being without actually having them use their hands? Learning to “sense” what a body needs is a skill that requires you to log in an inordinate amount of time manually manipulating a variety of body types and an equal amount of personality types.

Virtual training, webinars books, and other materials must come second or third to the actual teaching experience in personal and Pilates training. Using these mediums as review or back up system is a great idea but the foundations for personal training require person-to-person time and a distinctly hands on approach.

If you plan to be a trainer who doesn’t actually meet with clients or provide a one on one experience then by all means, a virtual training may be a first step in the right direction. But if your career path involves working with actual bodies, you will need much more than a series of videos to prepare you. As a trainer already working in the field, your continuing education opportunities tend to come few and far between. Be sure to choose wisely and whenever possible step away from the screen and into the studio.

To stay in the loop about Continuing Education courses at Real Pilates – be sure to sign up for our Newsletter.

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09
Jan
2012

Virtual what??

Hello!!

This Monday begins my first ever Virtual Wellness Retreat.  I am lucky enough to be sponsored by Blueprint Cleanse and blessed enough to be presenting this Retreat from the most luxurious place on earth, the Como Shambhala Resort at Parrot Cay in the Turks and Caicos.  Let me take a minute to answer some of the questions in my inbox over the past week!

1) What IS a Virtual Retreat?

Simply put:  It’s a Time Out.  We can’t all up and leave when ever we feel like it but most of us can sneak out an hour a day to step back, work out, listen to some advice about well-being and shift our energy for the day.  I know that everyone can’t be there with me – but I’m hoping to bring a slice of serenity and focus into your space.

2) How will I get my workouts?

You will be sent a private link to your workout each day.  You will also receive advice, tips and a little bit of homework each day!

3) Do I have to do my workouts at a set time each day?  What if I’m not free?  What if I miss a day.

No.  You have the link so use it when you can!  Ideally you complete each class on the designated day. But if you’d like to double up on a day – be my guest.

4) Do I have to juice cleanse?

Absolutely not – but we’ve worked out a deal with Blueprint Cleanse to offer you 3 or 5 days at a discount in connection with the retreat.

5) What’s with the Webinar?

The webinar is a forum to ask your questions.  It will be live!  But I will record it if you absolutely cannot make it.  We will review key elements of fitness, Pilates, discuss any troubling exercises.  And motivate each other!  The channel is already set up to go for this and I’m excited to have you log on and enter your questions!

6) Can I do this with a friend?

Sure! Buddy up and work out together.  Even smarter, sign up and share the cost.

I am happy to answer any other questions.  Just send them along.  Looking forward to getting you your first workout!

~Alycea

 

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by thisreallife
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03
Nov
2011

SELLER BEWARE: FLASH SALES GONE AFOUL

Something has gone terribly wrong in the flash sale buying space.

 

The business model initially built upon the win-win scenario has devolved into something more akin to a scammer’s bait and switch – but not for the consumer.  It’s the merchants that are falling victim to these ploys.

 

As a Pilates studio and service based business we’ve had every opportunity to test out the daily deal retailer market.  The first big name to hit us up made a great argument and really educated me about the mindset of the group buying culture.  Key to the sales pitch were the following:

 

1)  This is advertising dollars.  You may actually lose money by cutting your service price but you get brand new customers in the door rather than just an ad on paper

2) We would get paid on every sale.  So if someone bought it, we got paid, even if they never came in the door.  More likely than not, a bevy of brand new customers would be arriving.

3)  Brand New clients were absolutely guaranteed via their huge database.

 

The terms were simple.  Discount your service by 50%.  And then split the take with them.  Yikes.  Making just a quarter of my usual amount in an industry with exceedingly lean margins was alarming at first.  We were assured; the clients would literally be pouring in.

 

The first deal we did fared ok.  Clients came, services were sold.  And then they left.  Just like that.

 

The second deal we did with an altogether different company.  Looking to improve upon our first go round, we tweaked our original offer and sold a different product.  And this time we negotiated.  Well enough to keep a slightly larger percentage.  More clients came.  This time, a few stayed.

 

The next company that approached us sold us on the importance of creating an “irresistible offer”.  They defined the mindset they were trying to create, explaining that their ideal buyer would see the deal, and think “why not” before clicking to purchase.  Why not, indeed?

 

Our next online deal was both our most successful and our biggest disappointment.  The concept of “why not” pricing brought in hundreds of Pilates-lovers who without the benefit of the deal, simply couldn’t afford Pilates.   Retention was nil.  The customers simply left and waited for the next great deal.  And to be fair, why shouldn’t they?

 

Fast-forward past a few more deals with various outlets and I realized that things were changing.   Deal terms began to be more rigid.  Sale sites were demanding we provide steeper discounts.  One site actually only paid us on redemption rather than sales.  I marveled over the fact that they simply pocketed the money earned off of advertising our product when the customer never redeemed their coupons.

 

The landscape was morphing into something ugly.  With so much competition, these group-buying organizations were cannibalizing each other.  Consumers have become immune to the myriad offers littering their inboxes each day.  At the same time, deals need to be even more dramatic in order to get anyone’s attention.  These days, vendors are inundated with offers from these sites.  In the last month alone we’ve had no less than a dozen solicitations.

 

Our most recent deal illuminated the desperation and ferocity with which this business model is now operating.

 

It was the eleventh hour.  The night before our deal was set to go live and I was required to proof the terms and details of our offer.  I noted that the deal needed some edits and made them.  Most notably, our offer was created for new clients only and that fact was absent from the draft copy I was sent.   I made the changes and hit “send”.

 

Moments later, I received an email saying that wouldn’t be possible.  The other changes however, were perfectly fine (oddly).  I was informed that it was “too late” to make these changes, and that my deal was already “in production” prohibiting further changes.

 

Now I ask you, how can it be too late to change some text in an online sale that hasn’t gone live yet?  My sales rep and I had a short exchange and I was bumped up to his boss.

 

His boss re-stated his argument and also added a few well-rehearsed sentences.  I was told that they never run a deal for new clients only.  Since I was looking at one online from their very website, I promptly debunked that myth.

 

Suffice it to say that there was a lot of resistance to my demands.  But the statement that really set me on my heels was when the manager told me that they couldn’t restrict the deal to new clients only because “they had to meet their revenue” as well.

 

Wait just a minute here.  Isn’t the entire premise of the flash sale to drive new business to a merchant and not take money from their pre-existing customers?   Why would a business choose to pay a third party to advertise to clients they already have?

 

Merchants take heed: Daily deal companies are literally targeting the vendors they serve as a source of revenue.  Rather than relying on the database they generate to earn their dollar, flash sale sites are counting on money from your database in order to pay their bills!

 

There are plenty of reasons to employ a daily deal for your business.  Keeping traffic flow consistent during slow times.  Getting the word out about a new product.  Capturing ancillary sales or exposure through a secondary item or service.  But if you are looking for a daily deal site to bring you brand new clients, these days, that’s anything but a done deal.

 

Filed under: Business,Pilates,Uncategorized
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11
Sep
2011

Spring Obsessed! (plus the secret of cardio, calories and resistance)

I’m obsessed with Pilates.
When I pass by stores that sell housewares and I see the word “Plates” – I always think it says Pilates. Seriously, no joke.

My obsession has a structure. Each year, I focus my attention on a new element of Pilates. Something I hadn’t necessarily explored before in my almost 30 years of studying the method.

This year it’s the Springs!
I’ve become completely consumed with the primary tool of Pilates – the metal springs.
The use of Springs, and therefore resistance, defines Pilates.

And since Resistance training is scientifically proven to change your muscle constitution, create lean muscle and rev up your metabolism, then the Pilates Springs may be the magic potion we’ve all been looking for.

For the first time in my Pilates career – I have created a signature class called SpringTONE. It’s completely devoted to the use of the Springs and the resistance and tone they create.

Allow me to answer a few questions that folks have been asking!

Why did you create this class?

I created it to combat the trouble spots and the tone-resistant areas on my own body. After two kids and a few more decades, working out solely on the Mat was no longer enough. I wasn’t satisfied with group classes that were repetitive, or too loud or too crowded. And I wanted something new, and most importantly fun. The Springs are fun!

Why the focus on the Springs?

I’m losing 1 percent of my muscle mass every single year simply by virtue of being a woman of a certain age. Yes, this is a universal law. Just maintaining your muscle (which in turn keeps you burning calories) requires you to exercise with a certain degree of weight bearing and resistance. Before 30 – bodyweight exercises like yoga and barre methods were enough for me. But after, not so much. Now we need bodyweight PLUS! Not little elastic bands, but real weights, real equipment or in the case of Pilates, real Springs!

But what about Cardio

Ah, the age old question everyone wants the answer to. Of course I say yes – you must! Women die of heart attacks all the time. You need cardio to be heart healthy. And you can even get a nice calorie burn while you’re on the path, the stepper, the treadmill or the bike. BUT, the second you are off the bike, you’re done. You stop burning calories. Quite the opposite, the second you are done with your Resistance workout – you START burning calories! It’s that simple. Don’t get me wrong, I believe all exercise is good for you, but proven results require certain strategies. Studies show resistance training trumps cardio each and every time.

______
The only downside to this new class is now every time I see the word RingTone – I think they are advertising my new class!

~Alycea

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10
Apr
2011

The seeds we plant….

So much of our days center on food.

What we eat, where we eat and when we eat.

Everyone buys food. Most of us are involved in some level of food preparation. But very few of us actually grow or produce our own food.

I was lucky enough to have had my great grandparents until I was almost 30 years old. Giannina and Luigi were from the old country in the mountains of Italy. Their two family house in Brooklyn was completely devoted to foodstuffs. The enclosed porch had a bevy of plants that grandpa tended to. He grew Lemons, and Tomatoes as well as herbs which Grandma selected each Sunday for her tremendous pot of sauce which stewed all day long until family dinner time. A ritual that was a non-negotiable part of our weekends.

Out back by the garage a small garden held lettuces, cucumbers zucchinis and one or two other items depending on the season and what particular vegetable inspired them.

I didn’t think much of it at the time but in the heart of Brooklyn , this seemed an unlikely approach to sustenance. I don’t think my grandparents grew food because it was healthier or even cheaper. They did it as part of their heritage. They did it because it was a part of their routine and it felt right to them to be involved in their own food production. Once when I went shopping with my grandmother, we inspected the produce offerings of the local mart with a keen eye. She was unimpressed and remarked how small and potentially flavorless the tomatoes must be. “Not like your grandfather’s.” I had to agree.

In the basement of the house was the real treasure. A veritable factory. One third of the space was grandpa’s workroom. Tools and tables occupied the corner in a somewhat haphazard organization. At the other end of the basement, was the wine cellar. And by cellar, I mean, the area where Grandpa “made” the wine. He did the whole kit and caboodle. Crushing, fermenting, bottling. Something was always aging down there, and something was always getting uncorked upstairs. And Grandpa’s wine was strong! A few sips and my mother was giggling and flush. Her tolerance was never high anyway, something I inherited from her.

But the real prize was dead center in the basement. A sprawling table covered with a fine dust was the first impression upon arriving in the basement. A closer look revealed that the dust was really flour and the nearby glass jars, parchment paper and odd looking metal apparatus made it clear that this was food preparation at it’s finest. The Pasta making table ruled the basement. By far the largest yield of the house, Grandma was relentless in her pasta making – there was always a fresh supply on hand and always a partially processed batch at the ready.

This year my family has had the opportunity to grow our own produce. We’ve populated our land with fruit trees and bushes and they are growing and thriving. And now in the dead of winter when the fields are covered in snow and the trees are bare, I find comfort in the thought that below the surface something is brewing. Something we planted back when the weather was warmer in hopes that when the sun and heat came forward again we would celebrate in the “fruits” of our labor.

There is a stronger argument than ever for growing your own food but these days, it’s enough for me to see the joy on my daughters’ faces when the seeds they’ve planted and the bushes they’ve watered begin to give forth fruit.

I like to think I’m carrying on a piece of my Grandparent’s tradition.

I hope my children will do the same. Even if it’s just a little lemon tree.
——-

Here are a few resources to inspire you on a your own food journey!

Eaarth by Bill McKibbin
Read this!
Fresh: The Movie
Catch a screening if you can!
The Town that Food Saved
An amazing experiment with an incredible result.

Filed under: Slice of Life
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21
Feb
2011

Resolutions? Not me. Not this year.

This week marks the official holiday schedule.  Children are off school, offices have partial days and the ‘to do” lists stretch out long and ominous, ever a reminder of the last minute rush to get it all done.

Somehow I can’t stop thinking of the pending New Year.  The moment after all of this frenzy.  The beginning of something new and the day of promise that embodies what the first of the year symbolizes.

Sadly, thoughts of January and new beginnings don’t come unencumbered.  The word resolution is synonymous with New Years.  This year, I am protesting that word.  I will make no resolutions.

Here’s why.

Resolutions are to do lists and heaven help me, the last thing I need is another list of things to do.  Resolutions are obligations, commitments, burdens to place on yourself as a punishment for not having performed well in certain areas of your life.

There are battles I fight all the time.  Some days I win, and some I don’t.  But having a list of things I “should” do won’t help.

What will help? Right, that’s the obvious question.

This year I’ve decided that it won’t help me to add things to my list.  But it will help tremendously, for once, to take things Off my list.

This year, will be the year of letting go.

First, I’m letting go of projects that I will never finish.  Of people that need letting go of.  I’m also letting go of road blocks. Whether they are mine or were placed there by someone else.

This is the year of letting go of resentment and bad feelings you may have carried around.  Emotional wounds that are ready to fly the coop.  Grudges that have expired.  There’s just no room for them.

I’m letting go of unreasonable expectations.  Of others.  And myself, most of all.  Because I really can’t do it all.  Not everyday anyway.

And clutter.  The clutter in my house, on my desk, in my head.  Mostly in my head, so I can think more clearly and focus on what’s important.  Because at the end of the day, I’ll never regret having a messy desk but I will sorely regret not being the best Mom I can be because I was too busy cleaning up.

So I’m letting go of resolutions.  I won’t resolve to punish myself into being good.  But I hope that by releasing some of the pressure and unnecessary anxieties that float around my personal ether, this year will enjoy both more laughter and more light.

This year, finally I resolve NOT to resolve.

And I wish the same for you.

Please join me.

What will you let go of this year?

Happy Holidays!

~Alycea

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by thisreallife
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22
Dec
2010

Alycea’s “bought it for myself” Holiday List!

December ends with a whirlwind of gifts in my family.  I am besieged not only by purchasing gifts for my own family but the myriad birthday gifts that accompany this twelfth month (three alone in my innermost circle), along with gifts for schoolmates, presents for staff and the final extras that always seem to fall to the last minute list.  This is not a complaint or a rant by any means.  I am (admittedly) a compulsive shopper.  I shop in stores. I shop online.  I will shop while we speak on the street corner, casually inquiring as to where you bought that darling leather clutch.

Add to this tornado of gift lists, the fact that I am the designated shopper in my house and must also play sounding board to family members (yes Mom, that’s you) who prefer not to make gift decisions alone but insist on weighing in over the phone about that perfect Cashmere scarf for Aunt Betty.  Mind you, I can’t see the scarf, over the phone. But I will close my eyes and imagine Aunt Betty’s coloring along with her personal style and do my best to give you a legitimate opinion about that scarf, or an alternative better gift you might find on the lower level of the store you called me from.

I begin accruing gifts for others in August and by mid December I am hungry for self-adornment and indulgent.  I become almost desperate. Unable to pass a shop in any neighborhood without salivating lustily over something I had no interest in during the month of September, I usually succumb to temptation and start a mini self-love fest.   I’ve come to recognize the signs and I know this is temporary but while I’m in this rabid state of acquisition I realize I should track what I’ve accumulated.

A few things have made it into my home and sit patiently under the tree for their moment center stage, on Christmas morning.  And a few things I have added to my list because I just want to have them.  You’ll find each guilty pleasure laid out below ( with links of course).   Enjoy!

Alycea’s “yes, I bought it for MYSELF” Holiday Shop List

Awesome suede wedges from JCrew.com / BOUGHT

Why?  I’m an obsessive Wedge wearer and I have a soft spot for Vintage Clark’s – these blend both!

Amy Salinger – Stylist/ Closet Cleaning / ON THE LIST

A few years ago, Amy came to my home and overhauled my wardrobe in a few hours.  She left me with a small shopping list and a library of photos to show the outfits she’d assembled.  I am waaaaay overdue for an encore performance.  This woman could overhaul anyone and that’s exactly what I’m after.

Cleaning up my Act – with Erica Eckert – The Spacialist /BOUGHT

Why?  Because the paper situation and lack of containment devices has hit critical mass.  Erica helped my mom de-clutter her New Jersey home and they were both tender and effective.  And now, its MY turn!!!  I actually ponied up above all the other bidders at my daughters’ school auction for a few hours of Spacialist time.

Sponge Skin Care – Night Cream / Krema Niktas / BOUGHT

Full Disclosure:  I was sent a bag of their beautiful products and fell in love!  They are Greek, organica and altogether delicious on my exceedingly dry skin.  The Night Cream is ridiculously effective.  The also have great products for expecting Moms.

A little Bling!  Shari B. Silver Choker / BOUGHT

Why?  Because they are so freakin’ cool.  Shari B. is single handedly bringing back the choker.  For every V neck you own, she’s got a perfect necklace.  You can’t layer too many either.

Full Body Release /BOUGHT

Yogic Neuromuscular at Massage America.  I won’t even tell you who I see there because I am that terrified I won’t be able to book in if it gets too busy.  THAT’S how good it is – seriously.  Oh, and first timers – get two for one.

Risotto and Polenta Class at the Brooklyn Kitchen/ON THE LIST

Why?  I am a Polenta freak.  And also feel inspired to learn how to make Risotto without 5 lbs of butter.  The Brooklyn Kitchen first caught my attention with their Pig Butchering class.  Still reading?  They also have an amazing Kombucha class!  The monthly calendar rotates.

Check it twice if you must.  There’s a little of everything and feel free to say I sent you – special discounts may lurk within!

Have a wonderful, happy and healthy holiday!

~Alycea

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by thisreallife
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15
Dec
2010

What now? The day after the binge….

If your weekend is going like mine,  you are already 5lbs up and feeling sluggish.  The endless cavalcade of pies, burgers, rotisserie chickens and seafood pastas are making me…….well, frankly a little sick at this point.  But that feeling is temporary and all too quickly replaced with the simple request….”pass the butter please”.  As I slathered the spicy mayonnaise combo on my grilled corn last night, I couldn’t help but wonder what tomorrow would be like and what, if anything could be done to offset the utter debauchery of this past 3 days.  Here’s a short list based on my personal plan for “recovery” today and some practical advice I hope you’ll find useful.

The Morning After

1) Eat a small no-carb breakfast, you’ve still got carbs burning in your body so more carbs just ensure that you’ll be storing fat.  Stop the madness with some eggs/ chicken or protein of your choice breakfast.

2) Do some kind of mini-workout right away – Push ups, Ab Series, Lunges, Jog, ….something. Getting the juices going to jolt your metabolism will help you feel less sluggish and reduce the likelihood you’ll sit home raiding the fridge today.

3) Ditch the remnants of the holiday binge. Temptations, be gone. This is key.  Don’t think, just do it.  If you have a hang-up about wasting food give it away.  If you can’t think of this way, what’s the difference between wasting food inside or outside of your body.  Eating food you don’t need is just as wasteful and unhealthful to boot

4)  Drink a shot of Chlorophyll to flush yourself and get you craving some greens and healthy foods.

5) Keep busy today – you’ll be hungry and tired – distract yourself and stay active! Pick a random chore you meant to do – map out a list of stuff to keep you busy.

6) Remember the “Apple Test”.  When you feel hungry ask yourself – can I eat an Apple right now?  If it sounds de-lish, you are legitimately hungry.  If not, wait it out until an Apple sounds like the most amazing perfect and wonderfully satisfying thing you could possibly eat.

Happy happy Labor Day!

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by thisreallife
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06
Sep
2010

First Day on the Job

Blogger’s Note:  I originally crafted this article for a website which commissioned a two part piece on the subject matter.  Unfortunately the website never got off the ground.  This was intended for new Pilates teachers and those who hire them.  Part II will be posted in the coming days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

New teachers make me nervous.  It’s been 15 years since I hired my first employee and I still feel slightly anxious when a new hire comes on board.  For a studio owner, each new teacher is a representation of your personal business sensibility and your beliefs about your product.  Each employees’ success is your own..  But is there a formula to ensure such success??

From the studios’ perspective there are two sides to the personnel coin. First is the  teaching or instructing aspect.  This is fairly straightforward.  Every teacher you bring in must be auditioned,.  A simple show and tell interview will suffice.  Watch them teach a short class or session.   The information you glean will be invaluable and will help you in your marketing efforts.  The second side of the coin is the employee side.   This is a bit more challenging to predict.  The challenge to a studio bringing in a new teacher are not only to satisfy the clients but also to ensure a seamless integration among the existing staff and to establish a system under which all team members can thrive.

Here are some strategies I hope will serve as a tried and true system for success.

Prepare the Papers

Before the first day of work, have a formal sit down to review employee guidelines and/or contracts.  Bring attention to client’s expectations as well as the management teams’ expectations.  Create any documentation to support this meeting.  Even a follow up email outlining your discussion will reinforce the meeting.  If your new employee doesn’t know what you or the clients expect of them, how can they possibly deliver?

Prepare the teacher

Be sure your new instructor knows what your signature style is and what underlying fitness philosophies you have.  You should also give them some idea of the clients they’ll be taking over.  Your job as the boss is to take all the guess work out of the equation for them.  There should be no surprises for the first few weeks.  Be certain to schedule a 2, 6 and 12 week follow up meeting to address any concerns or client issues.

Prepare the clients.

By the time the first day rolls around, clients should know all there is to know about the new teacher.  The front desk should be prepped and everyone should be excited to meet the new team member.  This is where your audition process comes into play.  Whatever you observed about their teaching style will be used to create a story for the clients.  You should be able to draw comparisons about their teaching styles to other teachers on staff.  Make sure the team knows what credentials; experience and specialties accompany the newest instructor.

Prepare the team

Studies show the relationships at work are the key element to retaining long-term employees.  The stronger the relationships, the better the team spirit.  Invest some time in connecting new employees to older ones.  Help them get situated by assigning a point person to settle them in.

Promote. Promote. Promote.

Create a story about the newest staff member.  Use E-mail, newsletters, signs and most of all, word of mouth.  Get a buzz going.   Be sure to include photos in your promo material so that you are generating interest in an actual person!  Pricing specials are optional, but may not be necessary if you have a waiting list of clients.

Above all, get feedback.  And be ready to adjust your approach and strategies according to that feedback.  Your clients and staff have all the information you need.  Your job is to listen to them.

~Alycea

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by thisreallife
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28
Aug
2010

Help! I think my daughter knows what Sex is!

Sooner or later it was bound to happen.

She’s about to enter the sixth grade so the fact that she should have an idea of how babies are made  – while appropriate, is not comforting.  The shocker is that I’ve broached this subject with her on several occasions hoping to open the door to a clinical discussion of anatomy and reproduction and she has repeatedly shut that door right in my face.  Did I say repeatedly?  I meant it.

But tonight the door was shut in a whole other way.  And I was not ready for it.  Not by a long shot.

Here’s how it went down.

My little darling had her BFF over for a sleepover.  The evening was chock full of whispers, closed doors and knowing giggles.  But after a discussion of certain “rumors” which had been permeating the 5th grade class I had seen and heard enough.  Up until this night, my daughter had not expressed any thoughts, ideas or inquiries that would suggest she had a working knowledge of sex or reproduction.  But her conduct this evening, told a very different story.  Still, I wasn’t totally convinced she wasn’t just “playing the part”.  Kids learn very quickly how to behave in order to be part of the click.  I needed more information.

Just before bed I called my precious first-born in to my bedroom.

I asked her in a somewhat muddled tone if she had any idea what the kids in her class were talking about.  Even if she understood the anatomy and baby-making stuff.

She rolled her eyes painfully and said – “Mom, yes!”

I went from squinting to wide-eyed.  My deliberate tone took a sharp left towards the corner of weak and pleading.

“Where did you learn that?”

I heard myself from somewhere outside my body and shriveled even further.

She answered with a flurry of words.  “Books” and “Friends” were the only two I was able to properly register.

A pause ensued.

My brow furrowed in the silence.

“….do you have any questions?” – I managed to ask.  Sheepishly.

“No – I’ve got it.”

Then she kissed me and left the room.

Just like that.

And now, …I’m pissed.

Isn’t parenting by definition a job which obliges you to have “the talk”?

Have I been completely denied this parental rite of passage?

Weird as this sounds, I was looking forward (in a dreading sort of way) to this speech.

I’ve logged in almost 11 years.

I deserve to be able to administer this speech to my “tween’ daughter.

I carried her for 9 months, breast fed on demand for over a year.

Allowed her to overtake my bed, my house, my life.

Dammit, I earned this!

Ok, so this isn’t really supposed to be about me.  I get it.

But I’m not going down without a fight.

I’m justifying our not yet scheduled discussion by telling myself that I must make sure she has the facts straight and hasn’t confused any relevant details.

And of course, there’s still my eight year old coming down the pike.

If I can make sure no one gets to her first, I might still have a chance.

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by thisreallife
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06
Jul
2010
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